Venom Teaser Does Not Impress

Venom is coming to the big screen. Sony Pictures

We finally got a trailer for Sony's upcoming Venom film and it confirmed every negative thought I had since this turd was announced (and was even kind enough to give me some new ones.) Here's the problem, put as simply as I can manage: Movies need to be helmed by characters not mascots. 

That's all Venom ever was. Authored by the machismo, edgelord aestetic that defined comics in the 90's, for the majorty of Venom's lifespan his most defining feature was that he looked like monster Spider-Man. Eddie Brock is not by himself interesting. Venom works in the larger narrative tapestry. Peter Parker is having some internal struggle. Aunt May's in the hospital agian, MJ didn't get the audition, I have to get this paper in on time- Oh fuck there's a monster Spider-Man attacking the city! 

You don't give Jack Sparrow a backstory! You don't reveal Wolverine's origins! You don't thrust Legolas in the middle of a love triangle and you don't let monster Spider-man headline a movie! Dummies. 

You can really feel the trailer tyring hard to make this inherently vapid premise compelling. Shot of Michelle WIlliams crying, Tom Hardy running through the woods. Tom Hardy screamig in torment. Goverment offical says pefunctory line: We gotta contain this thing!" (fart noise) enter title card. 

You thought you could make a good Venom movie by just making a Hulk movie?

I would love to see Venom done right on the silver screen but not like this. Characters like him work as a villian appetizer. Venom isn't an idealogical foil to Parker. He's the catalyst for a really neat action scene in the second act of a movie. A sewer fight or something. He's an obstacle. He looks cool but that's not enough. 

Maybe I'm wrong. Wouldn't be the first time. 


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