'Star Wars' Original Trilogy, Unaltered, Rumored For 2017 Release

star wars tarkin
Grand Moff Tarkin as portrayed by Peter Cushing. Lucasfilm

This rumor has flown around before, but according to Making Star Wars it’s really happening this time: Disney will re-release the Star Wars Original Trilogy, without the wretched changes baked into the movie since George Lucas oversaw 1997’s Star Wars Special Editions theatrical re-release.

Citing “several sources,” Making Star Wars wrote “we firmly believe the unaltered original edits of the 1977, 1980, and 1983 cuts of the original Star Wars trilogy will officially be re-released soon.” If that pans out, not only will we finally have the Star Wars movies unburdened by CGI garbage, wretched songs and that interminable CGI Jabba scene, but we’ll also have Star Wars without the Episode IV A New Hope subtitle added in 1981 (though that seems unlikely).

Getting Star Wars without the Special Edition edits means:

  • No CGI dewbacks
  • Obi-Wan Kenobi’s original house
  • No CGI rontos (with low-resolution texture pack skin) walking in front of the camera at Mos Eisley
  • Han murders Greedo, as the Force intended
  • No CGI Jabba the Hutt
  • No more Star Wars explosion rings
  • Imperial officers getting their chests blasted open will no longer be censored
  • No more CGI shots and re-edits destroying the timing of the X-Wing’s Death Star trench run approach, restoring one of the most perfect syntheses of motion and music in motion picture history
  • Yes, yes, yes to matte paintings

Star Wars: Episode V The Empire Strikes Back

  • The only real loss: that extra Wampa shot added for the Special Edition is really cool.
  • No more of Luke’s scream when he leaps away from his father, presumably to his death (though the scream was already edited out in subsequent releases after the Special Edition)
  • Yeah, okay, Empire Strikes Back survived the Special Edition treatment relatively unscathed

Star Wars: Episode VI Return of the Jedi

  • “Lapti Nek” will be restored and “Jedi Rocks” will never be sung or heard again
  • The Max Rebo Band will be restored to its original lineup, without Joh Yowza’s big, dumb mouth
  • No more crappy CG Sarlacc beaks or tentacles
  • “Ewok Celebration” will supplant the galaxy-spanning “Victory Celebration” ending (Yub Nub, baby)
  • Sebastian Shaw as Anakin Skywalker’s Force Ghost instead of Hayden Christensen

Getting back the original Star Wars movies would be such a miracle at this point that it’s hardly believable. It’s also as near to a moral imperative as art can have. As a famous director once said:

“People who alter or destroy works of art and our cultural heritage for profit or as an exercise of power are barbarians, and if the laws of the United States continue to condone this behavior, history will surely classify us as a barbaric society.”

So let’s have it Disney, prove to George Lucas that we’re not a barbarian society. Otherwise we’ll have to stick with the trusty Star Wars Despecialized Editions.

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