Sabrina The Teenage Witch Reboot Coming To Netflix, Ugh

Hoo-Fucking Ray
Hoo-Fucking Ray CBS

Remember Sabrina The Teenage Witch? That show from the 90’s starring documented zealot, Melissa Joan Hart and her talking pussy, a cat named Salem. Well it’s coming back to TV! Buckle up lambchops, your prayers have finally been answered! Riverdale creator Robert Aguirre-Sacasa is teaming up with Netflix to make sure you never have to think too hard about new ideas ever again. Sabrina is back baby! But this time in the form of a dark drama. Ooohhh. The yet-to-be filmed or even named series is reportedly more in line with The Exorcist and Rosemary’s baby. Yeah, this old idea is an amalgam of other even older ideas. Great.

The series was originally planned to air on the CW but those plans fell through because apparently the network that greenlit Donnie Wahlber'g Runaway has standards! Not Netflix though, they gobbled up this steaming hot property. CW shouldn't be too miffed, after all they got their hands pretty full. With their own reboot of the show Charmed. They’re rebooting Charmed. Cup runneth over. Remember the Rush Hour reboot that aired on CBS?

The new Sabrina series is all about duality. She’s gonna have way more depth in this one then she did in that turdburger from the 90’s. Duh, witches aren’t supposed to be fun. They're tormented and miserable. Half witch, half mortal, ALL IN. Oh yeah and this series is based on the actual comics, which is good because I’m a HUGE fan of the Archieverse. Easily in my top three verses right under The Madea-verse and the WoodsMan-Verse.

She’s incorrigible. There’s even a rumor that the New Sabrina The Teenage Witch will take place in the RiverDale-Verse. What?! Cool! Sounds like Sacasa has been busier than my pop-pop's aggressive tapeworm. You excited for the sweet release of death? How about the new Sabrina The Teenage Witch reboot? Let us know in the comments below.

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