6 Things To Love In Netflix's Castlevania Anime

castlevania netflix anime
Castlevania on Netflix. (c) Netflix

When Netflix announced a Castlevania anime, responses ranged from excited to skeptical to “what’s Castlevania” (come on, let’s put some respect on that name, please). But the Castlevania anime on Netflix embraces the cheesy horror of its classic video game origins, with a great script by comics legend Warren Ellis, richly detailed character models and a fight scene it may or may not have saved its entire budget for.

Here’s six things we loved in Netflix’s Castlevania. Spoiler alert for all of it.

Dracula, Who Did Nothing Wrong

Oh, good guy Dracula. Falls in love with a smart, kind, empathetic woman, goes traveling because she wants him to enjoy the world and broaden his horizons, returns home to hear that his wife has been burned at the stake as a witch. Wouldn’t you write off all of humanity and unleash Hell’s demons on the pompous, self-centered bastards who burned your beloved one? All those innocent lives aren’t so innocent when you factor in Dracula’s rage at their silence in the face of his wife’s unjust murder, or worse, their credulousness in the face of Church authority.

So Dracula unleashed an army from Hell on Wallachia, murdering men, women, and children alike. So what? He gave these guys a whole year to pack up and go home. Good guy Dracula strikes again. So he bisected his son so hard the kid had to go sleep in his vacation crypt for a year. Okay, but did Alucard die though? He didn’t. He’s fine. Everyone had their chance to leave and didn’t take it. That, and Lisa’s murder, is all on Wallachia.

Plus, him yelling at people in the form of a flaming skull was amazing.

Trevor Belmont, Loveable Scamp, Drunk Rogue And Badass Ne’er Do Well

Equal parts embittered, competent, incompetent, badass, hobotastic, and drunk, Trevor Belmont is the last son of the slandered and exiled Belmont clan, a clan known for its prowess at a) fighting demons from Hell and b) black magic. He’s pissed as hell at the way his family was treated and he’s sick and tired of literally everybody from God on down, but he can’t refuse his own heart when he spots an old man about to be murdered, nor can he stop himself from doing everything in his power to keep an innocent group of people alive.

Smart and good with a whip? Educated in the ways of the arcane? Noblesse oblige married to hilarious cynicism? A hero who flat-out says “I don’t care” at an old man’s inspirational line, then risks life and limb to rescue the body of that old man’s grandchild? A guy who literally crawled through shit just to grab some beef jerky? A hero after our own hearts.

Also, he says “snake-fuckingly,” a word I want to lovingly lift out of Castlevania’s pocket and wear on my wrist like a Rolex.

Alucard, Gorgeous Alucard

Anime fans of a certain age and type may remember an old site that had you collect pretty anime boys like they were Pokemon, and all I can think is, what a tragedy that the site’s probably inactive and no one is around to make a badge for Alucard, who is so classically gorgeous and so deserving of admiration for his pretty, pretty face.

Dracula’s son who courageously stands up against his grief-stricken, maddened father? A stone-cold badass dhampir who hauls out all the vampiric tips and tricks in the books to test whether or not Sypha and Trevor are good enough to take on the journey to Dracula’s castle? A storied legend despite not having done anything yet except be really really ridiculously good looking? Sign me the fuck up.

PS: That fight with Belmont! Netflix, please increase Castlevania ’s budget by at least two crumpled paper napkins and maybe a dime caught in some lint so we can see more awesome action scenes.

The Talking Blue-Eyed Wolf Demon’s Monologue

After previous episodes established the Church as the most hypocritical, oppressive proto-fascists known to man, and specifically established this particular priest as an embodiment of insane religious-based cruelty, we were ready to see someone — anyone — go full Arya Stark on This Freaking Guy.

And boy, did we get it .

The blue-eyed wolf demon saunters into the evil priest’s church like it owns the place, a posse of sinister ghouls slithering into place around the pulpit. The evil priest is horrified that demons can even come in, but the wolf demon sneers that his church is an empty box and God isn’t there. The demon’s taunts, delivered in a tone of delicious evil that relishes its own malice, cause the evil priest to fall apart as he realizes that he literally, factually could not be more wrong in any of his choices. “Your life’s work makes God puke,” the demon purrs. “But we love you. We couldn’t be here without you.”

And that’s before the wolf demon gives the guy a Bolton kiss.

So satisfying. Must think of ways to work this monologue into everyday life. I feel like “your life’s work makes God puke” could get a lot of traction in this day and age.

That Guy’s Eyeball

I’m not a fan of gore. I don’t like horror. But I giggled like a schoolgirl when Trevor Belmont snapped his whip and took a guy’s eyeball out, and the eyeball stuck to a wall with its root wiggling behind it like a tadpole. They really went there! They went there. Clap emojis!

The Conversation About Goat Fucking

Remember when we first meet Trevor, and how he’s three sheets to the wind in a bar? And how in that bar, these two ugly inbred peasant dudes are having a really long conversation that goes on and on? What was that conversation about again?

Oh, right: the one guy grousing to his kind-of-cousin about how he took a shovel to his neighbor because his neighbor fucked the hell out of his goat, and now he has to pay some kind of restitution and isn’t that so unfair? Gross, crass, really damn funny: some classic Warren Ellis right there. I have to admit I also kind of loved the subsequent bit where the goat owner realizes that Trevor is a Belmont, if only because that’s quite a geopolitical analysis of class and wealth coming out of a guy whose cousin is his brother, too. Out of the mouths of — well, not babes, exactly.

Have you watched Castlevania yet? What were some of your favorite moments? Feel free to let us know in the comments section below.

 

Loading...
Join the Discussion
Top Stories